There isn’t a day thats gone by where I haven’t thought about her. I never even got the strength to throw away that cardboard box thats full of our high school letters and memories. Its been a little more than a year that i’ve talked to her or even checked in on her social media pages. My mental health had gone back to being at 100%. Although the relationships that i’ve had in between her and now have passed, nothing felt genuine and real as it did with her. Yesterday, I had a dream about her for the first time in a long time and it felt so vivid. We were just hanging out in front of her moms old house watching bobs burgers on her phone and just talking about stupid stuff. Sometimes I wonder what things would’ve been like if the distance was never a factor. Or if she ever did end up coming back, would things be different? I could’ve sworn that she was the one and that somehow in the end we would end up together again. But I guess it was all just wishful thinking.

“I revisit the past, mama said don’t play with them scabs. It’s safe to say I see the reason I’m bleeding out. I need you now. Closed lips make the mouth breath it’s frown.”

My mental health is finally starting to calm down. I’ve started to come to terms with everything that had me fucked up. And now that i’ve confronted things head on and have given myself a chance to think it through, I know that it was not my fault no matter how much she or I would tell me that it was. My feelings ARE valid and they deserve to be a acknowledged instead of being told “oh boy” or “come on, dont act like this” or “i’m not dealing with this right now”. And now almost half a year later i finally try to let go by unfollowing and she still tells and asks my friends why i’m doing this, even though she constantly posts about her “anchor”. How do you expect me to feel whenever I see that? You don’t think a part of me dies inside whenever that just comes on my feed randomly? It kills me. I’m not going to come crawling back like all the other times just for your comfort. I need to have some self-respect and not bend myself backwards for anyone else before me

Now you know that i’m not all that you thought I would be

Greatful i showed the real me

Yeah it shows

When you look in my eyes

It breaks all my bones